Like most creative people, I’ve had my struggles with the word no. My mother carefully explained to my first art teacher that I had no talent. I did enough crazy art to annoy a number of critics. Sometimes what I did was good and judged good. Some of it caught a lot of flack. So I know how to ignore people who tell me no. You can tell me that you don’t want to help me, you don’t want to see it you don’t like it. Well and good. But you can’t tell me no. Only I can tell me no.

Outside of my art, I took a great deal of joy in music. One of the things I’ve lost over the years is my voice The Episcopal and Anglican churches in my area have shrunk to the point where they sing only in unison. I sang for years in several church choirs and loved that time. Drastic changes have brought just less tolerance for differing positions. It split the denomination. And now no church near me has enough members for a choir.

Now I’m an alto. I can’t sing the melody. I never could. As the choir has gone away, my music has gone, I  spent some time mourning that. I tried singing in several local choirs only to find that my voice is largely gone. I was asked to leave a choir.

  I’ve been reading an interesting book called Falling Upward. The point to the book is that as we get older, there are more and more things we have to put aside, put away, forget about, mourn but then do something different.   Perhaps in some cases it’s right. The things we value change.

 

But I’ve had to hear the word no quite a bit over the last year. I’m not good about it. Point of fact, I’m lousy at it. I take a real snit and hold my boundaries, And this year, I’ve  had to simply accept a lot of nos. Those who know me know, that’s not my nature. By hook or by crook, you can tell me you don’t want to help me and I get that, but I will find my way.

One of the things I’ve lost over the years is singing in a church choir. The Episcopal and Anglican churches in my area have shrunk to the point where they sing only in unison.

I’d taken so much joy in being in a choir. And so much learning from singing what was holy. And so much pleasure out of my very average alto voice. When that happened there was nowhere to sing for some while.

I applied for a choir where I lived and was told I was “no good”. I was too loud. I was off key, I was not good enough for their choir.

The horrid thing was that they were right.  I was rusty enough that I was off pitch, wavering, and unable to read enough to fit in.

I almost crawled under the couch. Then I pulled on my bootstraps and told myself it didn’t matter.

How long can you lie to yourself? I’m pretty good at that too. But it does matter. I was raised in a culture where people regularly burst into song, whether it was appropriate or not. I’d rather not embarrass myself by sounding bad.

So, I can whine or I can learn.

Gail Masinda has an amazing music studio in Galesburg, IL where I live. On Tuesday I’m going to start singing lessons. Am I going to sing solos? I don’t know. I just want to not let my voice go without a fight.

Gail offers piano, voice, and organ music for all ages. You can go to her studio or she can work with you online. I am so excited to be studying with this amazing musician who is so fun, so funny and such an excellent teacher.

So, what are you mourning? What did time take from you? Are you willing to let go? Or will you find someone who can teach you to do it in a new way in a new space and time.

I’ll be sharing my musical journey with you, because I hope you can find teachers to help you refuse to hear the word no. And if you’re looking for an amazing music teacher, check out Gail to see the fabulous things she offers her students, in her studio or online. You can find more info about her classes at www.gailmasinda.com or masindamusic@gmail.com or check her Facebook page